Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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