We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
