thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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