Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
