I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
