I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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