Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
