Sponge bath it is.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
