Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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