I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
