he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
