By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
