our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
