I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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