you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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