I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So vagazzling was a success
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
