ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
