I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
