I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
