There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize