you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
