I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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