you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
