We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
