a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
