DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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