I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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