I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
