Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
