Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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