Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
