i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
