He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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