if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
