it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
