i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize