I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
