my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize