may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
