apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
