Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
