Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
