I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
