ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
why is half of my head shaved?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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