I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
