The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
