she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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