I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
