Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
