i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize