what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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