I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
