dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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