Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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