even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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