...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
