I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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