that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
