One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
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I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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