After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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