oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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