she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
