WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
