It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
