Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
