If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
