About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would fuck him just for his dog
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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