On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Jerry, you need to find god
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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