he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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