Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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