Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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