I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
