I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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