Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
