Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
